A Family’s Denial

“And this is how we are. By strength of will we cut off our inner intuitive knowledge from admitted consciousness. This causes a state of dread, or apprehension, which makes the blow ten times worse when it does fall” – D.H. Lawrence

 Between you and me, I want to talk about my denial not the addict’s.

 My denial of my loved one’s addiction.

 It is a small word – denial – and yet it carries a big import.  It is our own refusal to admit the truth and this causes dire consequences in our lives.  And it is these social and emotional states that slowly poison us. We deny reality and postpone the inevitable. Maybe we think this gives us more time to adjust.  Maybe it is just too painful to bear.

 Certainly, it is all of this at once.

 Addicts lie about what they are doing for self preservation.  We lie about these events because the fear of reality scares us to death. We are ashamed of losing what we have. Armed with excuses we proceed into that dark hole…

 He is a good kid.  He is so brilliant.  She had a bad mom. It isn’t fair. You don’t understand. The dog died.  I just need to get through…

 He’s a doctor. 

 I will never know how much my denial hurt my children.


Maurine Sviokla

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2 responses to “A Family’s Denial”

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is an excellent topic. My father – is in denial of himself. My mother makes excuses for his behavior which is a stem of her denial. Acknowledging addiction in another family member, besides myself, is not an option to either of them. The turmoil & anguish that this causes has now over the years become part of the family mobile. This is because of how the deep the denial really is for them & I can not change that. The tension becomes normal which is unhealthy to the spirit. The denial creates anger and fear for all.

  2. Amanda says:

    Mom….your denial did not harm us. Your silent fortitude made us whole….give yourself a break:)
    Love you


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